Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A Moment in a Day in My Life

My sister has a friend who had a very, very colicky baby. This friend had a really difficult time adjusting to her new life with no sleep and the very high demands of a newborn. I can understand, to a degree, as I have been struggling a bit with my emotions and the adjustment to my new responsibilities. A public health nurse put it quite plainly when she explained to this friend that you need to allow yourself to "mourn your past life". I know it sounds like a terrible, terrible thing to allow yourself to be sad at a time that everyone says you must cherish and be joyous during. But I found that advice comforting. It gives a new parent permission to grieve for the loss of their independence and self-centredness.

One of Mark's co-workers is pregnant and she is due in a month. At lunch last Friday, she said that she didn't think her life was going to change much. And I think that nothing I could say or Mark could say to her could help her realize just how incredibly huge the change will be in her life when that baby is born. It is just something you have to live through to know.

Today, I had an I-can't-believe-this-is-my-life moment.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, near an electrical outlet, trying to pump milk and feeling a bit like a dairy cow. I was feeling discouraged due to the tiny volume of the milk appearing in the bottle. Then the baby threw up... projectile-like, out of the crib and onto the carpet.

Then I heard the cat throw up....twice.


katevp-a said...

oh Melissa!

I love you! I have been thinking of you often, and I am very glad to hear that you had a good public health nurse who was wise come to visit you.

My heart goes out to you! I have seen that disappointed low volume pump look.

You are magnificent and a hero and a wonderful mother!

That colicky baby you speak of (i think) is now 15 months and he is the most wonderful little man you could imagine.

Let friends take care of you when they offer and get lots of rest!

love kate

Anonymous said...

this too shall pass ... has that thought come into your head lately? i so relate mel ... it's either the colic, or the projectile vomit, or the projectile poo, or 3 teeth for one and a bout of over-medication for the other on your birthday ...
you are doing a great job and while the days sometimes seem endless, they do blur into the next stage ... i promise. and that stage has glorious moments like smiles, laughs, and hopefully scheduled naps!
in the words of my wise (?!) husband, i can't promise that it gets easier (there is always something) but it does get better ... and more restful :)

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