Obsessive Energy Theorem
This one is dedicated to...well...you know who you are.
Each and every person has a set amount of Obsessive Energy. That is, energy to devote to obsessive (if somewhat trivial) pursuits. This O.E.I. (Obsessive Energy Index) is dictated by a person’s genetics primarily (and to a lesser degree by his or her environmental experiences – especially in early childhood).
Now, having a very high OEI sounds, at first, like a detrimental thing. Not necessarily. As a high OEI survivor, I can confidently say that it can be quite satisfying to relish in the obsessiveness of one’s pursuit of the moment.
My theorem uses runners to illustrate my point. They are renowned for their obsessive tendancies (trying to run one marathon in each state before they die for example). And why would it be that this discreet group of people, pursuing highly individualized goals (be they big or be they small) would all demonstrate such a specific subset of characteristics? (ex. Keeping every pair of running shoes every worn in their bedroom closet; logging every mile every traveled faster than 5mph in a journal; buying all available aids, from thigh lubricant to heart rate monitors, to gps devices to portable intravenous machines for ultra-marathoning distances). Because people with high OEI’s gravitate to obsessive hobbies. People with high OEI’s also tend to watch a lot of jeopardy, enjoy collecting obscure vinyl records, learn how to solve Rubik’s cubes using only YouTube videos, and collect “Elvis Lives” memorabilia. And such pursuits are interchangeable, in various amounts, so long as the O.E.I. is satisfied. (ie. One can diminish his collection of alien stickers only if he increases his ecologically-friendly, organic, companion-grown herb garden acrage).
Therefore, it follows that, if marathoning was suddenly deemed an unacceptable activity in the civilized world, there would be an awful lot more Elvis freaks.