Sunday, September 08, 2013
Toilet training and Not-Napping don't mix
If there is an award for most patient, calm, collected, organized parent, today is not the day I will win it.
It is 1:28 on a Sunday afternoon and my daughter should be napping. All week she napped at her babysitter's house. Last night she was up about seven times. So you'd think she'd be an excellent candidate for an afternoon nap, right?
To add to her ammo, I'm trying hard to toilet train her.
SO, I put her into her bed at nap time and she was protesting loudly.
Not that unusual.
She yelled that she didn't want to nap.
She yelled that she wanted a piggy-back ride.
She yelled that she wanted another story.
That she didn't want to wear a shirt.
And then she yelled that she needed to poo.
That's when I paid attention.
So I went to her, brought her to the toilet, took off her diaper and encouraged her and talked to her and imitated the Valsalva maneuver and all we did was delay nap time.
This time, when I put her diaper on and brought her back to her room, she was screaming so loudly my neighbours could probably hear over the sound of the chainsaw outside.
A few minutes later, she said she had to poo again.
So this time, when I took her to the bathroom, I left her and told her to call me when she was done.
She yelled that she wanted me to stay with her.
"Exactly!" I think I yelled back.
She produced no bowel movements and then after a few minutes I sent her back to her room.
A few minutes later she yelled that she had to pee.
I didn't even get up.
"Then go ahead!" I called, "Go to the potty! Go pee."
I heard the Velcro-release sound of a diaper being removed. She sang to herself on the toilet for a few minutes then said she was done.
She had put her old diaper in the garbage, so I went to get her a new one. She protested SO loudly and I was SO tired that I shrugged and figured Ah fine! What harm can it do! She wasn't really sleeping in her bed. She was playing with all the toys she'd emptied onto her bedroom floor.
So I put underwear on her.
During nap time.
When she hadn't had a poop all morning.
Have you ever been able to envision the car crash moments before it occurs? Or seen the edge of the dining room table as a child races at it and been unable to react before contact is made? Well, this was kind of like that but I was just too lazy.
So a few minutes later, Amelia is playing in her room (and not napping) and she yelled, "Mommy, I pooed!"
NOT I'm pooing.
NOT I have to go poo.
Just. I pooed.
And at first I was like yeah, right.
Then I remembered she was wearing underwear.
And she'd been eating a LOT of berries and nuts.
And my heart sunk.
Putting undies on my daughter during nap time was Naughty-Mommy move #1.
Naughty-Mommy move #2 was when I chose NOT to be a good steward of the Earth and I took one look at the flower underwear she's probably worn once and threw them into the garbage. And the hand towel I was improvising as a changing mat on the bathroom floor, I threw that in the garbage too. I also used twenty three wet wipes. In addition to toilet paper.
Kids, I DO care about Mother Earth, when shit is not involved.
And today I payed the Lazy-Mommy tax.
Hopefully enough for a year.
And Amelia won this round.
She's not napping this afternoon. She's taking a bath.