Melissa's Place

What Happens in the Classroom Stays in the Classroom: Buttockal Breezes

So one day I was wearing these snazzy black capris at school. They were a teensy weensy bit on the snug side, and it so happened that as I was sitting down on my stool at the beginning of a class, I felt a quiet ripping sound and immediately there was a draft in the vicinity of my buttockal junction.

In situations like this, one immediately asks herself whether the rip will be noticeable. For instance, if the under garments would blend nicely with the surrounding pants, a person might safely buy herself some time. In this case, no such luck. The undergarments were not of the full-bottom variety, and so the situation jumped up a crisis level.

I tried to do what I could about teaching from a seated position facing the class and quickly assigned the students some work to do. Then I sort of side-stepped to a door that led to the science storage room. I darted inside and rummaged around until I found my old lab coat. Genius! I wrapped it around me and it hung down to my knees.

I proudly emerged - the gaping pant-wound concealed - my confidence restored. The students looked at my quizzically and then suddenly became very excited. “Are we doing an experiment?” they asked, “Why are you wearing a lab coat?”

“Well,” I said matter-of-factly, “I was just feeling particularly scienc-y today.”