Wednesday, November 15, 2006

In the spotlight

You would think that a department store, wanting to sell you their clothes, would want you to feel breathtaking when trying on garments. Yet somehow, I always feel my most garish when getting undressed in a department store change room.

It must be the lights.
Or it might just be that I’m not usually examining myself so closely when I’m undressing. Their blazing fluorescent spotlights shining down from the ceiling are blinding. They cast bloated shadows on the floor beneath you.
And if you leave the socks on when trying on the evening gown, well, you’re wearing socks with an evening gown. And if you take them off, you’ve got those awesome sock-crater anklets up around your mid-calf.

The belly also seems to jiggle more under fluorescent light. The muffin tops are more prominent, and so are the chicken wings. (Muffin tops – see skin happily protruding above waist band of pants; chicken wings – see skin happily poking out from under armpits)
And then you’re twisting and distorting your shoulders and body trying to squeeze a hopeful size smaller than you should have up over your baby-bearing hips and being careful not to get makeup or deodorant scuffs on the outfit and half wondering if someone is watching all this over a security camera tucked away carefully in the ceiling fixtures when you realize…. the door wasn’t quite latched behind you.

These are the days of our lives.

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