The Little Things
Tuesday, Oct. 28th, 2008 (__ days before BP's birth)
Today was the last Tuesday of work, for me, until my maternity leave begins and I am so preoccupied with tying up loose ends for work that I sometimes forget I'm pregnant (well, except for the way you make me waddle from side to side when I walk down the hall).
Last week, I was very focussed on you. I felt like you were just minutes from being born and I was certain that I would deliver you this week. But now this week is here and I am engrossed in report cards and marking late assignments and making phone calls to students' parents. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was worried about these things....these trivialities...these little things.
Deb said that her father, who seems to be a very wise man, always says that there is one thing every day that is more important than all the rest of the things and if you get that done, then it's a good day. So I go over, in my head, my list of tasks-to-complete and I wonder how on earth I could pick just one to be the most important thing of the day. But truly, I know that I need to take those words to heart, give myself credit for all the things I do get done and then let go of some of this desire to control the world.
I wonder if I am holding on to these Little Things because they are tangible and logical and I know how to readily fix or solve them. They preoccupy my mind, perhaps, from the larger questions and scarier less controllable issues that I'll be facing shortly.
My world is about to get its priorities shuffled. I think it is about time.
I can't say I'm ready, but I might be as ready as I'm ever going to be.