Friday, January 04, 2008


Closet Country Fool

If you asked me what my idea of a relaxing evening is, I’d likely vomit out some culturally-brain-washed answer like “a bubble bath and a good book”. Or chocolate fondu and a pedicure. And those things are delectable, but what speaks greater than words is actions. And when given an infinite number of choices (such as those presented to us during our two weeks of Christmas vacation), the ones one chooses must therefore be deemed as their ideal activities. What I’m saying is, some of these ideal activities bring shame to our households. So we don’t mention them when asked.

I only thought of this the other evening when I spent upwards of nine hours quilting and listening to my favourite Country Music Station. Yes, you read that correctly and no, I will not repeat it. I am a closet country-music fan. Something in the twang keeps me satisfied and yet coming back for more. And I had a long time to think about these things while my fingers created quilting masterpieces. I didn’t wonder why I love to reunite with my country music artists as if they were old friends. I didn’t question the trueness of the life-lessons they teach me or their emotionally up-lifting lyrics. I wondered why such a huge fraction of the rest of the world can be so misguided about the quality of this very misunderstood genre.

So I listened. I listened very carefully for hours and hours and hours. I listened until I began to hear the cycle of songs starting again. And in the spirit of critical thinking and open-mindedness, I wrote down some lyrics that would, in the wrong circumstances, hold the power to be seen as slightly less than inspiring.

Top Five Uninspiring Country Music Lyrical Phrases:

1. I don’t need a lot of money, but I wouldn’t turn the lottery down.

2. I’m taking back my brain.
(Admittedly, I might be mis-hearing this phrase. Maybe she’s taking back her ring…or her pain or something a little more poetic.)

3. I can see my neighbour’s butt crack nailin’ on his shingles.
(That really paints a picture.)

4. Look at how my diamond sparkles off the garbage can.
(Romantic.)

5. I wanna check you for ticks.
(The up-side of Lymes’ disease?)

Despite the idiocy of some of these lyrics, you should know that for years now Garth and his buds have been speaking insightful truths to me that have changed my life. But that’s a blog for another day.

2 comments:

Deaner said...

Hey, power to you, from one Country fan to another.

Oh, and its "I'm taking back my BRAVE." :)

mao said...

...on the good side: Hank Williams and John Cash.

... on the bad side: Hank Williams Jr.-is he really 'ol Bocephus' son?

...on the good side: Lyle Lovett and his large band.

...on the bad side: on my t.v. the other day there was a guy singing "Ring of Fire", in a big fake ring of fire. I will find this guy and punch him in the face one day, for ruining June Carter's ode to her husband.

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