Melissa's Place

Idealist

Hello. My name is Melissa and I am an idealist.
I believe that people are inherently good.

Something happened earlier this week to test this belief in me. A parent disagreed with the way I disciplined her son (namely, I confiscated his hat for a day because he was wearing it in the school which is against the rules). I can handle disagreement. But this woman was LIVID.

She phoned me on her cell phone and “tore a strip off me” so to speak for at least 10 minutes. She interrupted me every time I tried to calmly explain my perspective. She would yell, “HELLO!!!!!!!!! I don’t think you’re listenin’ to me!” She called me a bully. She explained that her son would likely come down with a head cold (on this 18 degree Celsius, sunny day) and that it would surely be my fault. She did not, after all, purchase that hat with her own money in order for me to take it away. If it is the school’s rules that hats are not to be worn, well, then the rules should be challenged. And this was NOT the first time this has happened. And when I inquired as to the other situation that involved me, she quickly dismissed it as “not the point”! She cut me off at every word I spoke. Her voice rose higher and higher. Then she decided that I was at fault for wasting her time and money because she was calling me on her cell phone. She demanded I give the hat back immediately despite the students having already been dismissed and her son was long gone for the day. I assured her that I would be happy to return the hat the next day and asked her to have a nice evening. She warned me that this issue was “going higher” and this would not be the end.

When I hung up, I was upset. I was hurt. An injustice had been done. I, more than anyone, understand the need to protect students from bullies and from unfairness and from any other harms of the world. I can also see how a parent might want to automatically defend her child. However, who defends me? Was I supposed to breathe a sigh of relief if she doesn’t phone the superintendent to file a complaint? How can it be fair that someone can be so terrible toward someone else and suffer no consequences?

The next day she phoned at lunch, but I asked our secretary to take messages and she wouldn’t leave her name. She phoned again near the end of lunch and left only her first name. The third time she phoned was after school and finally and reluctantly, she left both her first and last name.

I didn’t phone back right away. It’s hard to throw yourself in front of a moving van and it’s hard to put yourself in a position such as that VOLUNTARILY and KNOWINGLY. However, the rules say that I am professionally obligated to return her communication, so I braced myself this morning, sat down in my principal’s office and phoned the number she’d left.

To my astonishment, the woman began to cry. She said she’d just called to apologize for her behaviour. She said she was going through something. She said she was sorry. I found words falling out of my mouth like, “Consider it forgotten” and “I’m sorry to hear that”. And when I hung up, I sighed in relief.

Most of my friends don’t see the apology equating to balancing out the torment of the prior conversation. ButI have regained my confidence in the good in people. And that will get me through many more hardships.