Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I love DC

I imagine it is something akin to the addiction of cigarettes.
I say I am not addicted.
I can even go several weeks without, but then one day the temptation overwhelms me and I break down and buy myself… a diet coke.

I realized I was having the internal dialogue of an addict the other day, when I’d been dc-free for a few weeks. I was struggling with a very busy Sunday ahead of me. Among the tasks on my list of things to do there was grocery shopping. Now….. I am CONSTANTLY trying to make grocery shopping more fun. I often do it after a long run on a Sunday morning, which means that I am utterly and excruciatingly exhausted. I often have a headache because I am dehydrated (as a consequence of the same action). I usually have a list of things to do mile long and the thought of the following Monday is overwhelming. I sometimes can’t find a quarter and if there’s an inefficient shopping cart with a stuck wheel, I’ll find it. The bottom line is, I thought to myself, “What would make grocery shopping more enjoyable?” (It’s the spoonful-of-sugar attitude towards the unpleasantries of life.) And my spoonful-of-sugar, ironically, has none. It is pure aspartame and carbon dioxide gas loaded with caramel colour and zero calories.

I grip the cold metal can in my hand and already feel calmer. The sound of the pull-tab cutting the top gives me excited shivers. But the I drew the parallel a moment later when, with that first gulp, the cold, tingly buzz hit the back of my mouth and my eyes rolled back in my head a little and I could have been shovelling camel shit wearing a parka in the Sahara dessert and I would have been a happy girl.

2 comments:

Jen said...

That's funny ... I know EXACTLY how you feel!

John said...

Hey, I bet you will laugh your aspartame off when you read my spoofs.

google news

search for aspartame

See all my funny stories
by John Winters

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...