Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jokes about Body Parts

Sometimes teachers make their own fun. I admit, some things seem funnier in the classroom than later on, when I’m recounting them to others. The following situation is probably one such instance.

You see, I sent home progress reports to all 150 students that I teach. And I gave them one week to return them with parental signatures. After one week, about 50% of the students had returned them. I can’t give detentions to 70 odd kids, so I have to really try to motivate them to return those sheets. Also, I can’t phone 70 sets of parents. Just not enough time.

So I was calling upon individual students who had not returned their progress reports in one particular class. I was giving my very stern face to one young man and really stressing that he HAD to return the sheet the following day. He nodded emphatically and said Yes Yes he would, he PROMISED. And I said How do I KNOW? And he said Oh I really will return it tomorrow. And I began to find it amusing, so I said And what if you don’t? And he looked at me blankly, not knowing what the right answer to this question was. And the rest of the class looked on warily and seriously. And then I said Can I shave your head if you don’t bring it tomorrow? And the boy I was speaking to grinned a bit, knowing I was joking, and the rest of the class began to smile. The boy said Okay.

The next young man said Do I have to give you my hair too? And I said No….If you don’t bring your sheet back tomorrow, I’d like your left ear. The class began to giggle. My EAR?! He cried somewhat gleefully. Well, It’s won’t be an issue, I said, Since you’re going to bring it FOR SURE tomorrow, right? Right, he grinned. I told the next student I would take her right ear. Then I requested a nose, a pinky finger from a left hand, a forearm, a foot, a shoulder joint. I even had a kid nicknamed Squid offer me his insides. Then the kid who had offered his hair asked if he could instead give me his pinky. I said Nope, No take-backs.

Then I got really creative (after I ran out of decent body parts to be discussed openly in a grade 8 classroom). I asked Elliott for a pony. He said A PONY! I said Yes, I’ve always wanted a pony. He looked at me with surprise and amusement. Then I announced loudly to the class Elliott has offered to buy me a Pony. They all began to clap. I asked the next kid for a red Jetta. And the last kid for a blue Jetta (for my husband, I explained).

In the car, on the way home, I told Mark that if the girl who owed me a red Jetta did, in fact, bring her signed progress report tomorrow, then I had dibs on the blue Jetta, despite what I told the kids.

The next day was the Math exam. A few students forgot to bring rulers to school. They are told specifically that they need a ruler for the exam. Three kids came into my room first thing in the morning asking to borrow a ruler. You MUST return it, I emphasized to each one separately. Kyle said, Oh, I promise to return it. I said, what if you don’t? He wasn’t sure what to say. In the spirit of the day before (he was NOT privy to the shenanigans because he is from another class), I said, Okay, if you DON’T return it right away afterwards….I’d like your right ear.

He turned his face to mine. His jaw dropped and the smile left his face. He looked nothing short of petrified.


Take the ruler!!! Good luck on your exam.

And he left the room and took the ruler. But you know, he returned it the moment he was done the exam.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ahh..talented teacher, moderator and human body parts trafficker.. what are you going to do with all those ears?!! =)

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