A Terrible Incident about a Poop in the Night Time

It was a terrible incident about a poop in the night time.  Okay, it didn't happen at night at all.  More like quarter to nine in the morning.  But the severity of the situation didn't seem aptly reflected in a title like "A poop incident this morning".

It started off as a diaper change like any other diaper change.  Amelia got fussy and the smell emanating from her back-side gave her away.  I laid her on the change table and she shreiked and arched her back and tried to roll off several times. I unzipped her pajamas and unbuttoned her onesie and then slowly opened up her diaper, revealing a pasty, sticky, smeared-everywhere kind of mess.  It stank something awful and it still had bits of undigested carrot, leading me to wonder if she was even getting any nutritional value out of these vegetables that were turning up whole out the other end.

Like the pro and veteran-mother that I am, I hid my disgust and went straight to work. I had already removed four wipes from the "box" of wipes but I could tell right away, they weren't going to be any match for this kind of a mess. I did what I could, then while I held her ankles expertly with one hand, I reached the fingers of my left hand for more wipes and I accidentally pinched more than one wipe and tried to pull them out of that tiny slit in the packaging. (If you're a mother or father of a baby, you know this moment).  The too-thick mound of moist towelettes got lodged in the slot.  Okay, no problem.  I pushed it back in and attempted to only pinch one wipe.

Amelia arched at that moment and grunted and tried to get out of my vice-like grip.

I held firm and tried again to take out the wipes.  I couldn't just get one.  So I tried to just take the big wad that I had between my fingers and really force it out of the opening.  Sometimes you get four and they resist, but it is possible to get them all out. But this time, they were stuck fast.

Amelia gave one more shreik and arched hard enough that one of her feet was freed.  She kicked it hard and one of her heels landed smack in the middle of the poop. I quickly grabbed her by the ankle once again to immobilize her and looked around frantically for something to use to wipe her.  I looked again at the box of wipes, and in desperation, I leaned down and closed my sharp canines around the wad of wipes and really yanked.

I succeeded in tearing a small piece of tissue out in my mouth and leaving a hole in probably four layers of wipes.

I opened the dry sink frantically and underneath I saw a sample package of wipes that had been there for about three years.  I took it out and ripped off the sticky seal. They were dry but I was far beyond being choosy. I yanked out a wipe and instinctively grabbed both Amelia's ankles again in order to wipe her soiled bottom only then did I remember the shit on her foot (and now on my hand).

I did eventually get her clean. I wiped all her nooks and crannies and put on a fresh, clean diaper. Then I gave myself a good scrub down. Motherhood isn't glorious. And some days it's messier than others.  But in those moments of supreme messiness, it's good to know you're not alone.