Not for the faint of heart
The registering-for-the-wedding fiasco has passed its climax. I won’t say it’s done. I’m not so naïve. But I’m feeling significantly lighter and calmer and our relationship has stabilized and, dare I say, grown. We as bride-and-groom-to-be have certainly become wiser. In fact, today, as we were leaving HomeOutfitters on our third excursion out to work on registering, I saw a couple who had been at it for about five minutes. The guy looked a bit like a taller version of Mark, with kind eyes, a kettle in one hand and a flabbergasted look on his face. The girl was holding a scanner and a clipboard and pen and her brow was furrowed and she turned to me (she would have implored to anyone at that moment) and exclaimed, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! And we’re not even out of kitchenware.” The tremble in her voice (the I’m-on-the-brink-of-breaking tremble) was oh too familiar and I looked at her and smiled and said, “Don’t try to do it all at once, honey. It gets easier. I promise.”
And I turned on my heel (quite pleased with myself) and strolled away.
So I feel that now is a good time for me to share my new-found wisdom. I want to “give back” so to speak. So here goes.
HOW TO REGISTER FOR YOUR WEDDING:
First of all, start to toss the idea of registering into conversations with your fiancé well well WELL in advance of when you’ll need to have the deed done (before invitations for showers are sent out). That being said, if he doesn’t respond with enthusiasm, but agrees to go along, that’s half the battle. Take what you can get.
Secondly, try to avoid going:
a) after a recent argument
b) on a busy weekend
c) when he is sick
d) when he is wearing a cumbersome and warm leather jacket
e) when he is hung over
f) if he hasn’t had his coffee yet
This should enhance your registering experience.
When you get the scanner, the gift registry attendant will probably give it to him. But his arm might get tired very quickly, so don’t bring a big purse in case you need to carry the scanner and the clipboard etc.
Don’t be alarmed if you can’t agree on anything. I’ve learned that this is part of the process. In fact, planning a wedding is a sick-game invented by some higher being to test the couple to see if they have what it takes to “make it”. I think it’s probably a cross between Survivor and the Truman show.
You will discover some tastes you didn’t know you had (perhaps you suddenly love white). And he will too (he abhors anything white). If you try to do too much at once, you will make emotional purchases. You’ll start scanning things randomly in order to be done. Don’t worry. Nothing is irreversible. You can go on-line later or phone and the friendly, understanding attendant will erase items for you.
You’ll feel torn. You want nice things, but you will feel guilty asking friends to buy you nice things because they are costly. This feels unlike anything you’ve ever done. You’ll find a balance. Use the force.
And you and your fiancé will fight. Oh you will fight. You’ll fight with your fiancé before registering and during registering and perhaps even afterwards while discussing registering. But you will learn how to communicate and how to compromise and how to navigate a wonderful new dimension of your relationship.
And your fiancé may not want to take pictures of the day of registering. He might prefer to get a coffee and lie down on the display beds instead.
Don’t be disheartened. This first visit to the store is not in vain. Your fiancé will likely not have enjoyed himself, but he may suddenly see the potential power in the registry. He will likely start to warm to the idea and discuss things he’d like for next time you go register, making each visit to the store easier than the last.
And remember, that which does not kill you, makes you stronger.
The registering-for-the-wedding fiasco has passed its climax. I won’t say it’s done. I’m not so naïve. But I’m feeling significantly lighter and calmer and our relationship has stabilized and, dare I say, grown. We as bride-and-groom-to-be have certainly become wiser. In fact, today, as we were leaving HomeOutfitters on our third excursion out to work on registering, I saw a couple who had been at it for about five minutes. The guy looked a bit like a taller version of Mark, with kind eyes, a kettle in one hand and a flabbergasted look on his face. The girl was holding a scanner and a clipboard and pen and her brow was furrowed and she turned to me (she would have implored to anyone at that moment) and exclaimed, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! And we’re not even out of kitchenware.” The tremble in her voice (the I’m-on-the-brink-of-breaking tremble) was oh too familiar and I looked at her and smiled and said, “Don’t try to do it all at once, honey. It gets easier. I promise.”
And I turned on my heel (quite pleased with myself) and strolled away.
So I feel that now is a good time for me to share my new-found wisdom. I want to “give back” so to speak. So here goes.
HOW TO REGISTER FOR YOUR WEDDING:
First of all, start to toss the idea of registering into conversations with your fiancé well well WELL in advance of when you’ll need to have the deed done (before invitations for showers are sent out). That being said, if he doesn’t respond with enthusiasm, but agrees to go along, that’s half the battle. Take what you can get.
Secondly, try to avoid going:
a) after a recent argument
b) on a busy weekend
c) when he is sick
d) when he is wearing a cumbersome and warm leather jacket
e) when he is hung over
f) if he hasn’t had his coffee yet
This should enhance your registering experience.
When you get the scanner, the gift registry attendant will probably give it to him. But his arm might get tired very quickly, so don’t bring a big purse in case you need to carry the scanner and the clipboard etc.
Don’t be alarmed if you can’t agree on anything. I’ve learned that this is part of the process. In fact, planning a wedding is a sick-game invented by some higher being to test the couple to see if they have what it takes to “make it”. I think it’s probably a cross between Survivor and the Truman show.
You will discover some tastes you didn’t know you had (perhaps you suddenly love white). And he will too (he abhors anything white). If you try to do too much at once, you will make emotional purchases. You’ll start scanning things randomly in order to be done. Don’t worry. Nothing is irreversible. You can go on-line later or phone and the friendly, understanding attendant will erase items for you.
You’ll feel torn. You want nice things, but you will feel guilty asking friends to buy you nice things because they are costly. This feels unlike anything you’ve ever done. You’ll find a balance. Use the force.
And you and your fiancé will fight. Oh you will fight. You’ll fight with your fiancé before registering and during registering and perhaps even afterwards while discussing registering. But you will learn how to communicate and how to compromise and how to navigate a wonderful new dimension of your relationship.
And your fiancé may not want to take pictures of the day of registering. He might prefer to get a coffee and lie down on the display beds instead.
Don’t be disheartened. This first visit to the store is not in vain. Your fiancé will likely not have enjoyed himself, but he may suddenly see the potential power in the registry. He will likely start to warm to the idea and discuss things he’d like for next time you go register, making each visit to the store easier than the last.
And remember, that which does not kill you, makes you stronger.
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