Melissa's Place

When is a person not quite a person?

I’m planning a wedding. What a wonderful and festive time in my life!

Just lately, I’ve been asked if children are invited, a detail you think about more when you actually HAVE children, I guess. When planning most large to-do’s, one doesn’t even consider this question. It’s usually a decision that is made for you.
You know, a birthday party – kids? Yes.
A bachelorette – kids? No.

I’ve never had an event where inviting kids was optional. And I’ve never been faced with the prospect of having to write on an invitation: No Kids Allowed. It strikes me as rude. Very 10-year-old-girls-only-treehouse, if you will. And more than slightly judgmental. If for no other reason than that I was a kid once. And I hated having to sit at a smaller version of the adult table at Thanksgiving, or being banished to from “adult” board games like Risk, even if I would find them boring.

I know, I know…. Maybe kids wouldn’t enjoy a room full of inebriated Thunderbay-ites and Owen Sounders. Then again, maybe they would. So I have decided that children deserve to be part of the cupcake eating and rice-tossing and chicken dancing and glass clink-clinking and all the other wonderful frills that come with a wedding celebration.

This led me to my next puzzle. We sit down with our catering manager and tabulate the cost of the meal on a per person basis. So is a kid a person? I can’t imagine they would be! At least not a whole one. Perhaps a fifth or a half of a person. If I invite my 5 year old neice, do I pay $50 for her meal? (Granted, the kid can really pack it back! She finished 5 whole pink boiled eggs at Tristan’s one-month celebration in addition to all the regular food.) And what about Tristan? He’ll be one and a half by next summer, but do they eat real person food? I’m sure they just eat mush until they’re one, but I’ve noticed two year olds can eat fruit. Surely I wouldn’t have to pay $50 for the kid to pick peas off his mother’s plate.
Or maybe we’re paying for the chair? Which begs the question….. does a one and a half year old need his own chair? Or does he just sit on his dad’s lap? Maybe it depends on how heavy he is. A heavy little kid could put a nasty cramp in his dad’s legs if he had to sit there all night.

But I’ve made my decision.
Kids, you can come to my wedding. Because, if we’re being honest, by the end of the night, there may be many, many people who require assistance with walking, who can’t eat without making a mess and who speak in unintelligible dribble. And they won’t be nearly as cute as you!