Melissa's Place

Loftus', Jeans and Stressheads

There is an old adage (as well as a very popular Paula Abdul song from the 80’s) that says, “Opposites attract”. I understand the logic behind this claim. But as a Loftus (a group of people who, though highly intelligent and talented, often struggle with control issues and stress) I have accumulated evidence and wisdom in my 28 years that proves otherwise.

Where does this wisdom come from? Where else other than previous boyfriends? We learn so much from them. They are like the jeans we bought when they seemed to fit (and a stylish-taper, fastened with safety pins was totally rad), wore and loved them every day for a short time, then outgrew and discarded them. If we didn’t outgrow them, perhaps we just woke up one day and said, “They’re just not me. I’m not who I want to be when I wear these jeans. These jeans don’t make me a better person”.

I had a “pair of jeans” once. And we were opposites. At the time, when you are in love, you can convince yourself of anything to justify “wearing these jeans” because they make you feel so beautiful and special and you really like yourself when you’re in them.
I will cleverly call this pair of jeans Mij.

I was a straight A student. Although smart, he was not. I was extremely punctual, while he was chronically tardy. He was ambitious and I was play-it-safe. I was an eternal, tightly-wound, stresshead in every possible situation and he was very, very chill. How perfect! I used to think. We are opposites! We will compliment each other. Isn’t that what a perfect union is? People who complete each other?

In some ways, yes. But as I learned, having an opposite has an exponential effect on a Loftus (this one, anyway). For example, let’s say we have to be somewhere at 7pm. I would normally be slightly bothered and tense about being prompt and punctual. Being with Mij (my opposite), would make me even MORE tense because I would KNOW that being on time with him by my side would mean struggling against the natural flow of his character and habit. This fear of being late and having no control over the tardiness would exacerbate my anxiety in fantastic way which perhaps only a Loftus (or someone who has loved a Loftus) can understand.

When considering making a large purchase – say, a car. I am thrifty and look for good value -- you know, good gas-mileage and the like. Being with Mij, a guy who loved power and extravagance, only made me become more thrifty and money-conscience, thinking I constantly would have to be the frugal one for the both of us. My personality became even more polar. And a Loftus is already extreme to begin with! So more polar is actually quite dangerous.

I have since discarded the Mij jeans.
I am much, much happier in my Kram jeans.
And this is what spurred me to write this entry…
Yesterday, our landlord phoned and told us we had to move out of our apartment. When I hear this news, the sound of my muscles contracting with tension is practically audible. I instantly become an emotional mess and a defensive knot of tension. Change is bad! Very very bad. And all the details – changing my address with the bank, the insurance, my magazine subscriptions, my union, etc., getting a moving van, moving around money to pay last and first month’s rent at the same time, sorting, sifting, tossing, packing up my valuables and re-organizing, disconnecting and re-connecting and dealing with the satanic corporation of Bell, figuring a time to move before our vacation or after our vacation and before school begins, losing valuable resources at a time when I will critically need them – it all makes my heart stop! I CANNOT HANDLE THIS! It will be on my mind, at the front or the back or lingering and nagging at me, every moment of every day until the whole ordeal is over. This is how it is with me.

But what happened? Kram phoned me at noon. He had received the phone call from our landlord first thing in the morning, when I had already left for work. And by the time he phoned me at noon, he had already done an in-depth search for new apartments on the internet. He had an idea of the prices – he told me they were less expensive than we were currently paying (something a Loftus like me needs to hear). He told me there were many available. He had already made an appointment to see one in our area. He’d spoken with our landlord and convinced him we needed to move out a month earlier because it was more convenient for us. He told me everything would be alright.

Less than 24 hours later, we had a new place to live.

Kram can be chill, but not when it matters.
I discovered that what a stresshead like me truly needs sometimes is efficiency.

Kram was so efficient.
And Loftus’ LOVE efficiency.
Kram saw the problem. And he dealt with it. He took the intiative and he took charge.

It may seem like a small thing, but as you other Loftus’ know (and those of you who love a Loftus), we can make small things oh so HUGE!

This is just one reason why this Loftus loves her Kram.

So be like Kram. Not like Mij.
And when a situation arises, that a Loftus might perceive with tension and stress, be supportive and efficient. Be helpful and of use. And for the love of god and all that is good and holy in the world, never, ever EVER tell them to "Relax".